Routine. Just the word alone makes me anxious. Simply because I’ve never been great at keeping one up. Every time that I missed just one day of my routine, I felt like a complete failure. In my mind, I asked myself, “why can’t you do this?”
Why is this so hard for you?
Thinking back now, I realize I was asking myself the wrong questions and judging myself too harshly. Why did I have such high standards and expectations for myself?
For me, the whole point of a routine was to do a bunch of things that I enjoyed doing (reading, writing, exercising, etc.). I shouldn’t punish myself so hard for not being able to do them consistently. I am only human and there will be days that I am tired and all I want to do is lay in bed and watch Youtube. I shouldn’t beat myself up for taking a break, instead of sticking to my 1 hour reading or 1 hour writing routine I wanted to accomplish.
This weekend I tried seeing things through this new perspective of being nicer to myself. I thought about all the things I want to incorporate into my everyday life. I am not going to lie, it was hard. Instinctively, I wanted to sit down, pull out a notebook and begin planning out a weekly schedule. My anxiety started to take control, wanting to plan everything hour by hour.
I took a step back and told myself, “I want to try that new face cleanser.” It was such a simple and funny thought to me. I’ve always wanted to do a night time skin care routine and my chance was now. Before I could begin thinking too much, I began to look for the products I wanted to use and I lined them all up on my sink. Then, I began my night time skin care routine.
This may seem like a ridiculous, nonessential activity for many. But for me, it meant the world. It felt amazing to do something I wanted and accomplish it. I didn’t think about what would happen if I wasn’t able to do it or if I was going to do this the next day. Instead, I simply thought, “Let’s go look for that new cleanser.” The rest followed.
With this small win, I felt ambitious and I wanted to tackle incorporating exercise into my evening. I have to admit that working out gives me A LOT of anxiety because weight has always been one of my biggest enemies. Again, I took a step back before I delved into a spiraling hole of thoughts and I simply put on my socks and shoes. I went outside and I started running.
I am on a two day streak of 30 minute exercises and I am staying positive, not pushing myself more than I know I can handle. I know the journey is always a bit scary and challenging. But I feel hopeful seeing this new challenge through a fresh perspective. No expectation. No judging.
All small victories.
the happy within 