Tag: loss

remember

It’s been a year since I lost someone close to me. Time only makes it more unbelievable. It still feels wrong to realize that she’s truly gone. I look through old memories and remember the good times that are left behind. Life seemed to go downhill since she left because I finally understood how much it hurt to lose someone you love.

It’s been a long journey, but looking through the memories now I remember to stay strong and to keep going. I know that she’s physically gone but the memories that she left behind will never leave me.
I will remember her for the rest of my life, deep in my mind and close to my heart.

past

Yesterday I passed through a street that runs through my childhood neighborhood. As I looked around, everything seemed the same, but also different. New stores were next to older stores I remember going into.

All the memories came rushing back to my mind. I felt different looking at everything, but I still loved this neighborhood because it was my home for so long.

A strong sense of sadness came over me as we passed by. I felt sad because I remember the painful memory of coming back here only to move out of our home. I felt that my childhood home and neighborhood were ripped away from me and I didn’t have time to deal with the loss because I had to go back to college. At the time, I don’t think I wanted to deal with the emotions because I was focused on other things.

However, as I pass through the familiar streets now, I feel the pain in my heart. When I graduated college and moved back home, I came to a completely new environment. I felt like I didn’t have a home anymore.

The past usually brings all the feelings of nostalgia and happy memories.

I feel only sadness. I look at the new buildings, the new shops and restaurants and I realize that the placed moved on without me.

Life moved on. And undeniably, I moved on too.

All I need to do is find peace with the past.

coping

Adulting is definitely hard. But one of the hardest things I’ve found is dealing with loss. When I was young, the biggest painful loss I remember was the death of a pet.

Now, when loss involves a person. It’s a greater pain that sometimes feels unbearable. The thoughts in my head become too negative and desperate. I feel like I experience the loss of a loved one and a little bit of myself.

A lot of people say that loved ones aren’t always gone as long as they remain in your thoughts and in your heart. This is true, but as many things, it is easier said than done.

I experienced a loss recently and I am not sure yet if I’ve managed to cope with the pain. I certainly didn’t think I’d make it this far, but I am still here. But now, another loss is imminent and I find myself back in that headspace.

I lay and I stare at the whiteness of my ceiling with a million thoughts running in and out of my brain. Why me? Why now? Can’t I get a break? Can’t my family get a break?

But then I do remember, that this is life. I have no control and what my thoughts want to do is control the situation. But I will never be able to no matter how much I try.

What I can control is the power I give these thoughts. Yes, loss is hard, painful, and at times it is hard to see the hope. But I hold on strongly to my faith and to my hope. It isn’t bad to feel the pain. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be hurt, to cry. But, once my tears have dried and my mind has calmed, life will go on. I will go on. And one day, I sincerely believe it will be ok.

For the time being, I will let the emotions be. But I will not give the negativity the power to control me. I will cope.

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