empty

I’ve been used to the physical pain in my chest when I have anxiety that I couldn’t imagine a day without it. Just recently, I found myself at work in a typical anxiety and stress inducing situation and I felt…nothing.

I panicked. What is this feeling? Am I dying? I felt so calm physically, but my mind was going all sorts of crazy.

That was my first experience feeling empty. I knew this was the result of the medication I was prescribed to help with my anxiety, but I didn’t expect for this kind of reaction.

I can’t say that it was a great experience, but it was definitely a new one. In a way, I had found comfort in the physical tightness I felt  and the pain that always radiated through me when I got anxious or nervous. Now that it was gone, I missed it. I definitely felt crazy. How could I miss something that I’ve been wanting to get rid of for so long?

When it was finally gone, I wanted it back. Or at least I thought I wanted it back, because it was what was familiar to me for the last two years. I didn’t know anything else.

Now, I feel the emptiness in my chest, no tightness or pain. The anxiety is still there, so deeply rooted and seared into my thoughts and mind. However, the physical aspect seemed to be diminishing.
It only left me with the question I feared so much… what now?