Today this tiny flower caught my attention. It managed to grow around weeds, trash, and dirt. Granted, it may be part of the weed itself.
But still, I couldn’t help but get a little philosophical.
I think its amazing to see it grow in such a harsh environment.
I thought it was pretty cool.
#2: flowers.
there is just something about looking at flowers and seeing them bloom that is so beautiful.
A huge event in my life is happening at the end of next year. If you ask me now if I am ready, you can expect a huge “NO!”. Not because I am not mentally or emotionally prepared, but because I haven’t taken one second to plan anything about it.
I tell myself that I should have something planned by now. Every time I think about planning, the most I do is acknowledge that I should probably do it, but I quickly dismiss it with an excuse.
For me: Excuses = Procrastination
The excuses I use help me justify the constant delaying. Is my anxiety delaying the planning because sitting down and thinking about all of the things I have to do cause me stress? Or is it the lazy part of me that will try to wing this (which this is not something that should be winged)? These are the thoughts that run through my head when I try to find reasons as to why I’m procrastinating.
I asked myself those questions today and realized something so simple. The only thing stopping myself from planning is me. Not the anxiety. Not the laziness. These are the excuses I used to justify the delay.
Instead of making more excuses, I am choosing to acknowledge that 1) yes this a big event that will take a lot of time to plan and 2) I may not solve everything in one day, but I am capable of completing this.
It is okay to not have everything figured out today. I know that it will be ok. I will be okay.
No more excuses, only action.
#1: my cat.
cats may not show as much love as dogs, but I can feel my cat’s love. She brings me comfort at times I need the most and I wonder if she can sense my stress.
plus, she’s super cute.
fun fact: she has a mickey mouse logo on her side!)
There are times when one emotion completely overwhelms me to the point where I ask myself if I am ever going to stop feeling this way. There shouldn’t be a reason why I feel the way that I do, but I do feel it. I don’t know how to stop feeling the way I do and sometimes I don’t even realize that I don’t feel that way.
Today, sadness overwhelmed me all day. I don’t have one exact reason to be sad, because although things aren’t great, they definitely aren’t bad. But I still woke up with such a sadness within me that I wondered what was going on. I was able to distract myself when I spoke to my friends, but as soon as I was alone with my own mind, the feeling returned. I could feel myself falling into the same hole, wondering if I would make it out on the other side or be stuck in a continuous loop.
It all sounds crazy, but that is exactly what my mind goes through. It makes me feel like I have no control over my emotions. Instead, my emotions control me. They control me so much that I feel I have a mental “block” as I like to call it.
This “block” stops me from moving past these emotions. I rather not think at all, than fight whatever is going on inside my mind.
Deep down, I know that this may stem from my anxiety and my mental strength, but I am not sure what the best solution is. Is there even one?
I almost let it get to me today. Instead, I pushed a little harder to move forward. These words helped release and push that block a little further away.
Today, I beat the “block” and I think that’s something to be proud of.
Yesterday I passed through a street that runs through my childhood neighborhood. As I looked around, everything seemed the same, but also different. New stores were next to older stores I remember going into.
All the memories came rushing back to my mind. I felt different looking at everything, but I still loved this neighborhood because it was my home for so long.
A strong sense of sadness came over me as we passed by. I felt sad because I remember the painful memory of coming back here only to move out of our home. I felt that my childhood home and neighborhood were ripped away from me and I didn’t have time to deal with the loss because I had to go back to college. At the time, I don’t think I wanted to deal with the emotions because I was focused on other things.
However, as I pass through the familiar streets now, I feel the pain in my heart. When I graduated college and moved back home, I came to a completely new environment. I felt like I didn’t have a home anymore.
The past usually brings all the feelings of nostalgia and happy memories.
I feel only sadness. I look at the new buildings, the new shops and restaurants and I realize that the placed moved on without me.
Life moved on. And undeniably, I moved on too.
All I need to do is find peace with the past.
the happy within 